Updated Jan. 27th.
Last Friday, The Smithsonian Museum of Natural History announced that they would be closing their Dinosaur Hall for at least the next five years. Their reasons?
Yeah, right. Seems pretty convenient, doesn’t it? Recent victories of the Conservative Dinosaur Readiness Movement are starting to make us a target. The recent failure of several high profile fossils to sell at auction shows that anti-dinosaur sentiments are starting to sink in with the public. Just as the Conservative Dinosaur Readiness Movement is starting to gain real political momentum, and right as the campaigns for the 2016 elections are about to get started, they close down the only Dinosaur Hall in Washington, DC (unless you count Congress and the Senate). I smell a plot, and it smells like theropoda.
The best way to end a political movement is to diminish awareness of it. This closing is an attempt by the powers in Washington to atrophy and destroy the Conservative Dinosaur Readiness Movement, friends. This whole “five-plus-year project” isn’t just timed to suppress dinosaur awareness through the next major election. No, I wager it is a not-so-subtle mockery of the Movement, timed to coincide with the twenty year anniversary of the release of “Forgot About Dre”.
Touché, Liberal Underground Theropod Conspiracy. Dated hip-hop reference insults sting the most. Touché.
This impending doom for dinosaur education in our nation’s capitol has Americans alarmed.
“The liberal agenda tries to brainwash us into giving up our guns and now that same agenda is trying hide information about the dinosaur menace from the general public!” says wide-eyed realist Michael T., “The pro-dinosaur liberals are planning something serious.”
“We might as well just start building statues to our dinosaur overlords right now,” says Joey S., who took the news with cynical apathy.
The Smithsonian publicly seems remorseful, but say that the plan will be followed through.
“Those five years are going to fly by,” said director Kirk Johnson to the Washington Post, failing to convince anyone. It seems as though Kirk Johnson may be a pawn of the Theropod Conspiracy. Or worse.
My tweets to him for a comment have revealed a disturbing truth:
@friedman_hoax Too busy to respond…Building Dinosaur Liberation Army…stay tuned.
— Kirk Johnson (@leafdoctor) January 27, 2014
What the hell is going on in Washington, DC?
This news, of course, comes in the wake of interruptions in the study of recent Tyrannosaur specimens cause by the US Government shutdown of 2013. The Dinosaur Hall will be briefly replaced by an observation window where guests will be able to see scientists studying the new specimen. Seems like a long way to go to prove that the research is finally being carried out, Government.