If you are like me, you probably did a double take the first time you heard someone criticize the Dinosaur Readiness Movement. I mean, what is there to criticize? To a reasonable person, Conservative Dinosaur Readiness just seems like common sense, but these days people seem to have no grasp of risk or reason. I hear words thrown around like “extinct” and “paranoia over an implausible scenario” and people throwing around ideas like vegetarianism and creationism. It seems like the majority of Americans are overwhelmingly ignorant about the dinosaur menace.
- FACT: Many dinosaurs had giant knives instead of toe nails or fingers.
- FACT: Dinosaurs have been extinct less than 1/3 as long as they ruled the Earth.
- FACT: Some Dinosaurs were more massive than every single one of your friends combined, even if you are rather popular.
- FACT: There are various scenarios I can think of off the top of my head which would bring the dinosaur threat to American soil.
- SUB-CONJECTURE: Such as the discovery of a subterranean lost continent of dinosaurs as described by Obruchev in the cautionary Russian novel Plutonia.
- SUB-CONJECTURE: Or the reverse engineering of chickens into their terrifying dinosaur ancestors as suggested by Jack Horner, who hasn’t returned my recent emails. (Update: He just got back to me, he’s just really busy.)
- SUB-CONJECTURE: Or the accidental super-feralization of rogue GMO chicken species upon their escape into the Kansas wilds, a scenario the National Chicken Council refuses to comment on when I accuse them on twitter.
@chicken_supe What is the chicken industry doing to prevent the re-evolution of deadly theropods on the American farm?
— Alex G Friedman (@friedman_hoax) July 10, 2013
I want to tell those critics out there– DINOSAURS ARE FUCKING TERRIFYING and they are actively PLOTTING AGAINST US. If dinosaurs aren’t a threat, why am I so scared of them? If you are so unconcerned with dinosaurs, would you let your sister date a Ceratosaurus? Anyone who isn’t anti-dinosaur is pro-dinosaur, and being pro-dinosaur is what makes no sense.